The Porn Ultimatum? No son, this movie stars the ideal Holmes

NO ONE has said anything yet, but my limited knowledge of Information Technology dropped me in it big time last week.  I managed to inform  the world that my daughter Hayley’s partner Steve Holmes (that’s them pictured) is a famous porn actor!

My daughter Hayley with her partner Steve Holmes 

It all stemmed from the article in The Courier recently (www.thecourier.es) about my baby grandson Buddy coming out of hospital after his first few traumatic weeks of life. I still can’t read the piece without getting weepy, soppy old thing that I am. And I wrote the damn stuff myself!

I figured that if those words reduce me to tears, they  might also touch the hearts of grannies  all over the world. So I decided to add  it to  the  blog sites I set up when I was a lady of leisure back in 2010 BC (Before Courier, that is).

I  called up www.grumpyoldgran.com  - a Wordpress site which I actually paid to set up but rarely look at these days – and published  the story, complete  with the headline  ‘Buddy Golly! The miracle baby with no heartbeat goes home’.

So far, so good.  Under the article on the Grumpy website, a list of ‘Recommended Links’ enabled me to direct readers to Wikipedia’s take on ‘Caesarean Section’,  ‘Umbilical Cord’ , Intensive Care’ and other specific subjects mentioned in the article.

Rather than wade through all the links, I clicked ‘Apply all’ and thought no more of it...until  I checked the site a couple of days later.

The  name ‘Steve Holmes’ in the article was hyperlinked. Curious, I clicked on the link and, horror of horrors, was greeted  by the full Wiki lowdown on …’’Steve Holmes , Pornographic Actor’’.

The name may be the same, but our Steve is no dirty movie man. He’s a respectable dad, as our Buddy would confirm if he could talk.

But, having arrived premature three months early, he's not due to be porn until March 6th.

Buddy Golly...happy day as my miracle grandson goes home

Buddy leaves hospital...all 2 kilos of him

BUDDY John Harry Holmes entered this world silently on December 14, 2011 - and it was three minutes before he drew his first breath.

My daughter Hayley’s third child arrived 12 weeks early and weighed less than a kilo. For those first terrifying moments of his life, he also had no heartbeat. How times change!


On Wednesday this week, the little mite left hospital with his mum and dad, the intrusive array of tubes that had decorated and invaded his little body for weeks all long gone.

For the first week of his life, it was touch-and-go for Buddy. Dragged out of Hayley’s womb by Caesarean section, he survived because of her intuition that something was amiss with the 28-week embryo.

A scan revealed that the waters surrounding Buddy had all leaked away - and medics ordered an immediate emergency delivery.

Hayley and her partner Steve Holmes learned later that the baby would have died within two hours had he been left in the womb.

As it was, he survived not only those first breathless, heart-stopping moments, but also being half-strangled by his umbilical cord.

For a week, he remained in an incubator in Intensive Care, listed as ‘critical’.

Then the miracle of life kicked in big time. And when he left hospital this week, Buddy’s birthweight had more than doubled to 4lb 7oz.


So tiny...that's Buddy, not dad Steve


In seven weeks, the wizened mini-alien had transitioned into a chubby little boy - albeit still only the size of a man’s shoe.

Hayley and Steve had named him seconds after he was born, fearing he would not survive.

Instead, he has become a picture of health, so pardon this column’s nepotism as the family drink a toast to the little one’s future.

Mine’s a Bud, by the way.