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24 December 2011

Buddy baby, you're a true Christmas miracle!

He’s only alive because of his mum’s intuition. Born 12 weeks early with no heartbeat, he weighs less than a kilo. Meet my new grandson 

Baby Buddy: The little mite had no heartbeat
I’M not exactly new to grandparenthood, if that’s the right word.
Up to last Wednesday my two daughters had their hands full with a handful of kids between them. Five, that is...or two and a half of each if the eldest got her way and was allowed to chop her despised cousin Charlie in two.
The two boys and three girls range in age from 20 down to five but all have one thing in common. They came into the world normally and were lucky enough to arrive healthy and complete.
So when my elder daughter Hayley found she was expecting, everyone assumed all would go well. I know she’s 41 and  it’s  12 years since her second daughter, Daisy, was born.
But all progressed normally right up to the 28th week – with Hayley and her partner Steve Holmes focused entirely on the scheduled arrival of a son in early March.
Then, 197 days into Hayley’s  third pregnancy, came a remarkable – and frightening – development triggered by the smallest hint that something was wrong.
Last Wednesday, the embryo child all but stopped booting hell out of Hayley’s body from the inside. She sensed that something was amiss, and although her midwife was not ­unduly concerned, the worried couple wanted to be sure.
A surreal scenario followed, with Hayley and Steve acting purely on intuition and forking out £100 for a  private consultation with a  paediatric specialist.
He sent them immediately to hospital, where  a scan revealed that the waters around the baby had all but dried up. Fearing the tot would not survive in this sea of nothingness, an urgent Caesarian section was ordered and the baby was plucked, lifeless, from Hayley’s body with the umbilical cord wrapped tightly around his neck.
The little one had no heartbeat and was not breathing.
For fully three minutes, doctors and nurses united in a battle to give life to the tiny foetus. For Hayley and Steve, those three minutes translated into a lifetime of lifelessness.
As the seconds ticked away, they named the baby Buddy, desperate that he should have a proper identity, even if he was never to draw breath.
Then, his tiny body invaded by a host of canulas, tubes and ventilators, a miracle occured. The mite’s heart began to beat.
Buddy was alive...if not kicking. All 992 grammes of him (or a tad under 2lb 2oz if you don’t do metric).
For 24 hours, his under-developed lungs were helped by a ventilator. Then another miracle; he started breathing by himself.
And another miracle, he scored 8 out of 10 in an official health check – a respectable score for a full-term baby, let alone a barely-formed Bud.
Amazingly, doctors told the relieved parents that had Hayley not gone to the pediatrician, the baby would have died inside her within two hours.
Over the next few days, Buddy went from strength to strength. He was two days old by the time I arrived in Manchester for my Christmas visit. Hayley was waiting for me in hospital reception...there were predictably lots of tears as we embraced.
With Hayley approaching her 42nd birthday, the chance of her conceiving again after a complicated Caesarean  is remote, to say the least.
And with Steve’s only previous marriage childless, this was  his probably his only  chance to fulfil his dream of fatherhood.
Hayley's hand shows how small Buddy  is
So they desperately needed  Buddy to be a survivor…and judging by his never-say-die attitude throughout his first week of life, he’s bionically indestructable.
After four days on the critical list in Intensive Care, he was reclassified at five days old as merely ‘vulnerable’. By the time you read this, he’ll probably be doing aerobics in his cosy incubator with its vivid blue light.
With his sensitive skin and distorted grimaces, there’s something unearthly about my sixth grandchild. He was not meant to leave the comfort of his human spaceship until early March and at less than one third of the weight of the typical new-born, I could easily confuse him with ET.
Particularly when my specs aren’t around.
It’s wonderful that, with his future now all but secured, I can joke about which planet the little fella came from. All of which leaves both Hayley and me in stitches.
Only mine don’t hurt.

25 November 2011

Spain v Britain - the good, the blood and the ugly

IN the six years since I bought my home in Spain, my spectacles have become a shade pinker.
   I love the country, I love the people, I love the lifestyle - and of course I l adore the weather. OK, I’m not so keen on the Gota Fria but that doesn’t stop me being an unashamed Spanofile.
Having said that, Spain is far from perfect. In fact, there are things I loathe about this country.
The lunatic drivers and useless administrators, shop ­assistants who chat on the phone when customers need service, electricity companies that have no qualms about leaving old ladies in the dark if a payment is delayed.
And of course, the mañana, mañana mentality in just about every aspect of life. I could go on and on.
When it comes to organisation and administration, Spain is a Third World entity. However much we expats rip into the old country (and there’s plenty to rip into), when it comes to recording information, British bureaucracy takes some ­beating.
The UK system has been tried and trusted over generations and one simple phone call is invariably all it takes to iron out the glitch.
In Spain, if you ring your electricity, gas and water ­suppliers with a query, they’ll either be unable to find you on the company database, have your name, address or phone number wrong (often all three) wrong - or say they will call you back. Which they won’t.
This is, of course, a totally subjective opinion, since our individual experiences differ. This applies to hospital stays, too.
The reaction of readers to last week’s article on my recent stay in Torrevieja Hospital suggests that most expats regard the Spanish health service as superior to the NHS.
Yet the same article posted on one of my blog sites – and read more by people in Britain - prompted exactly the opposite response.
Which left me in a state of limbo over my own treatment because, whilst I adored the hospital itself, there were a couple of worrying elements of my six days in dock.
l The ‘mañana mañana’ mentality of the nurses when I pressed the call button. On one occasion I waited ten minutes for someone to come after telling them over the speaker that I needed assistance.
lThe near-sadistic behaviour of one impatient young male nurse when he couldn’t find a usable vein in either of my arms to insert a canula.
l In contrast with my after-care at Rochdale, where I had two coronary stents inserted in 2009, no proper advice on what to do and not to do in the immediate future.
The male nurse with an attitude came to the ‘rescue’ after a canula worked its way out of the back of my right hand, causing blood to drip all over the floor.
He wasn’t happy from the start and things got worse when he couldn’t find a usable vein in either arm in which to insert a new probe. I closed my eyes and froze as he pummelled away at my skin, trying to tempt even a mini-vein out of hiding.
At one point, he thought he found one, only to lose it. ‘’Stop moving!’’ he yelled in frustration, even though I hadn’t budged a millimeter. Problem was that my veins had become so incensed at being treated like a pin cushion that they’d gone into hiding. And this hot-blooded horror was bent on needling them into surrender.
He eventually found a way into my right arm just above elbow level. It felt distinctly uncomfortable. I suspected something was not quite right but his mood alone sealed my lips.
Within a couple of hours, my right bicep was almost solid. The canula had to go – and this time an angel of a nurse descended and soothingly found an entry point in the back of my left hand.
She was typical of the nursing staff of both sexes…sweet and caring. But while it was an isolated incident, he of the black mood left a dark cloud over my overall experience.
My discharge from hospital was also rather strange. Unlike in Rochdale, where I had my first angioplasty, there was no advice not to drive for a few days, and no little card for my handbag, detailing my condition and medication in case of emergency. And no proper details on recuperation procedure.
I can only assume this was because I had been through the same stenting process before – and know the drill like the back of my hand - what’s left of it after Mr Nasty’s needle session.
Well, I do know what I should do.
Basically, it’s a case of eating the right food, getting some exercise and taking things easier. Unfortunately I suffer from an incurable infection called workaholism, which undoubtedly contributed to the events that put me in hospital.
I’m now under strict orders to ease back – with an unwinnable battle ahead if I don’t take my foot off the gas.
And it’s not the angina that I fear most.
It’s my colleagues at The Courier.

Published in The Courier (www.thecourier.es) November 25, 2011 

24 November 2011

Why does the kit always hit the fan?


I popped into a major sports shop in Torrevieja last week, hoping to buy a couple of football kits for my grandsons for Christmas.
They are both crazed Manchester United fans - and actually live in the city, believe it or not. But they also enjoy the trappings of success. That’s why they are just as happy to run around in Barcelona or Real Madrid kit.
Now I know that Spain are world champions, but I was reckoning on paying no more than €40 for a replica of the new jersey they (or 'we' by adoption) wore against England recently.
Don’t you believe it! The CHEAPEST shirt on display was €59.95…with the World Cup winners’ jersey marked up at a cool €72.95.
For some reason, the adult version of the same kit was €3 cheaper. Curious.
There’s no mystery, or course, as to why cash-strapped mums and dads are subjected to paying extortionist prices to keep their kids happy at Christmas. It’s the ridiculous wages paid to professional footballers…when pure logic tells us their income should be capped.
Top stars reportedly earn at least £100,000 A WEEK – a disgusting figure that 95% of us could not make in two or three years.
If the players’ unions had any compassion, they’d force the likes of Iniesta, Rooney and Messi to fork out a measly £1,000 each weekend to repay the folk without whose hard-earned wages they’d be a lot poorer.
The only consolation for English folk is that their heroes made up at Wembley for the fact that Spain won the World Cup in South Africa last year.
Maybe manager Fabio Capello, whose English is far from perfect, got his instructions mixed up and told his players: ‘‘If you can’t join them, beat them.’’

Published in The Courier (www.thecourier.es) November 25, 2011